Tainted Feeling 1-7

r/k fic, PG

Tainted Feeling 1-7
by http://xglamour84gurlx.livejournal.com/

Tainted Feelings
Part 1



Paris

“I feel like I’m running on fumes.” The tiredness in his voice was more then apparent; he looked like he hadn't slept in days. His jaw covered in thick stubble, his hair tousled and greasy from skipping one to many showers.

“I’m right there with you, I feel like I’m a walking zombie at this point.” They had just finished another interview, this time for some magazine.

“I was going to grab some lunch at that little bistro down the street you hungry?” Rob asked as they stepped into the waiting elevator.

“I was going to try to sleep for a few hours but I should probably get something to eat first, I know I’ll forget later.” She leaned against the wall of the elevator letting him press the button for their floor; He shot her a worried look.

“You need to start taking better care of yourself Kris you have to remember to eat, you almost gave me a heart attack when we were in Germany.” she remembered the incident she’d been getting into the car on the way to the premier when she’d gotten dizzy and stumbled, Rob had caught her from falling. She smiled at the thought of him lecturing her all the way to the theater, watching to make sure she ate every bite of the sandwich he’d asked a concierge to get for her.

“Speaking of taking better care of ones self, when’s the last time you showered your starting to attract flies.” She sniffed before crossing her eyes and blocking her nose.

“Are you implying I smell?” He lifted his arm and sniffed. “Is it really that bad, here sniff me.” He grinned at her moving step closer.

“You’re so gross” She pushed against his chest holding him back.

“Why didn’t you tell me I smelt before we went to the interview?” She shot him a look of disbelief, still not removing her hands.

“What am I your personal body odor detector?” He was backing her up against the wall. “I’m not sniffing you while you smell. Why do you think the interviewer looked constipated she was trying not to breathe.” She felt him freeze at the thought and hearing the elevator door open she bolted from the elevator. She laughed at the look on his face when he stepped behind her.

“So what you’re saying is I need to shower for you to sniff me.” he raised an eyebrow. “I can work with that, I’ll meet you in the lobby in 15 minutes and you can sniff away.”

“I’m not sniffing you Pattinson.” she called out watching him retreat to his room.

“We’ll see Stewart.” She shook her head; they always had the oddest conversations.



Kristen walked towards her room; she should probably call Michael and see if he was enjoying the sightseeing he left for this morning. Maybe if he was close enough she’d ask him if he wanted to eat lunch with her and Rob She was starving her only hope was that she’d be able find something she liked at the restaurant Rob was talking about earlier. She pushed the door to her room open and pulled up short at the sight of Michael.

“You’re packing?” She asked confused watching him pack his suitcase. “The plane ride home isn’t for another 2 days.”

“I can’t do it anymore Kristen; we’ve been heading towards this. I’ve tried my best but you seem to get more and more distant each day, I feel like I’m in this relationship by myself.” He did not look up at her once while breaking up with her.

“How could I be distant you’ve been with me every single day for the last 2 weeks.”

“What exactly have we done together in the last two weeks huh? Let us start with London; your wonderful co-star just loved showing you around. Then there’s Germany you guys had so much fun at that little club we went to, you two were in each others fucking pockets the whole night.” He zipped his suitcase shut, before finally turning and looking at her.

“So we hang out were friends why are you making this more then it is?” she ran her fingers through her hair, she knew she’d been a terrible girlfriend recently but it’s not as if she did it intentionally.



“Hold on I wasn’t finished. How about the plane ride here, you two all huddled up talking about some stupid book you bought. Let’s not forget all the little interludes along the way like lunches and what little sight seeing you had time for you did with him. Thanks for inviting me it was so fucking great, what memory should a treasure most about you two” He stood eye to eye with her now his teeth clenched together.

“He’s just a friend.” She told him again, but the words seemed hollow and trite.

“Stop bullshitting yourself, your half in love with him and you can’t even admit it. You can lie to yourself all you want but I only need my own two eyes to see what’s happening. I’d rather get this over with now, instead of having it dragged out into some melodrama.”

“If this relationship isn’t working for you then fine but don’t place the blame on Rob.” She defended him without even thinking, but could not defend herself against Michaels claims.

“Really because I think he’s the deciding factor, he’s why you really don’t care if I walk out that door right now.” His eyes held hers a moment longer, waiting for any denial but was only greeted with silence, he shook his head.

“You think you know him, think he’s this great guy that understands you. He’s charming and handsome you two have just so much in common, I’d hate to be you when the blinders come off and you see everything clearly. You’re just a stop along the way, I’m sorry if that seems harsh but that’s how it looks. You were something he couldn’t have, I wonder what will happen when he finds out he can. How long do you think he’ll actually stick around a week, a month, maybe an hour?” He shook his head in disgust; she spoke no words to contradict anything he’d said.

“You only have yourself to blame when he hurts you, and I’m sure I’ll be one of many saying I told you so.” He grabbed his bag and walked out the door with out a second glance, she flinched when the door slammed behind him.

She stood there processing his words repeatedly trying to make sense of everything that just happened. She loved Rob as her friend, and if she stopped, bullshitting herself like Michael said she could admit she was a little in love with him. She had always considered her and Rob two of a kind but what if she was seeing only what she wanted. The echo of Michael’s words in her head made her doubt the importance of the connection they seemed to share.

Tainted Feelings
Part 2



Rob kept throwing inquisitive glances at her from across the table, she knew there was a question hanging on the tip of his tongue waiting to be asked. She was at a loss at how to answer if he asked what was wrong. Should she tell him? Could she lie to him? Would he even care? She wished he would stop staring, it was starting to freak her out. He was oddly quiet just sitting there casually smoking the cigarette, he’d bummed from her earlier.

She picked at the sandwich in front of her; the hunger that plagued her earlier was nothing but a memory. The only reason she was here now was because she knew if she had told him she wasn’t hungry, he would have been knocking on her door with some type of doggie bag. She knew that in the privacy of her room, he wouldn’t have hesitated asking questions. In public he was a lot more discreet, which made her relax only slightly.

She sipped her water, trying to push down the food that seemed to be stuck in her throat. She watched Rob smile at the server and say something in French. Any other time she would have made a playful comment, but the only thing she could think of was going back to her room and sleeping for a few hours hoping she would wake up feeling less confused.

The server placed the check on the table she went to reach for it but Rob was quicker. He opened it up throwing a couple bills in it and stood up. He helped her with her jacket before grabbing his. He must have heard the annoyed sigh that escaped her lips because he looked down and smiled.

“You can grab it next time.” he placed his hand gently on her back propelling her towards the exit.

She rolled her eyes; he said that all the time but she knew he‘d never actually let her pay. It was irritatingly sweet when he did stuff like that, which only added more confusion to her already muddled mind. They walked in silence back to the hotel taking the back entrance to avoid the fans that gathered in front of the hotel. She figured if she walked fast enough she could get back to her room with out him asking any of the questions she could see in his eyes.

They walked by the stairs and she actually contemplated taking them so she wouldn’t be cornered in the elevator. She gave herself a mental shake, could she be any more dramatic right now, it wasn’t like he was going to torture her for answers. Instead, he would just stare at her with those green eyes until she broke like a cheap cookie. She knew the reason behind her reluctance had to do with Michaels little speech; she hadn’t wanted to believe Rob would suddenly stop hanging around but the doubt lingered and she couldn’t seem to dismiss it.

She felt relief when she saw the elevator filled with other people, but she felt Rob’s hand on her arm holding her back from stepping inside.

“We’ll catch the next one.” He told the people, pressing the button for another elevator. She shot him a wide-eyed look, which made him even more suspicious damn it.

“What the hell, why’d you do that for?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest, fuck was she really standing here sulking like a 5 year old.

“To many people, I’m claustrophobic wouldn‘t want me having a panic attack would you?” The doors opened, and she grudgingly walked into the empty elevator.

“You’re not claustrophobic.” she said pressing the button to their floor.

“Hmm, really my mistake, but since I seem to have you alone why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, you’ve been acting weirder then usual.” She was watching the floor numbers light up one by one, silently willing it to move faster.

“Nothing just tired, I’m feeling a little edgy is all.” The silence that followed her answer was deafening. She could feel his eyes on her, but she refused to look at him keeping her eyes focused on the numbers.

“I’ve seen you tired and edgy before this is different, did you get into a fight with Mike or something.” He asked .


“Nope.” She answered feeling a little better because technically she wasn’t lying, he’d just broken up with her, and there had been no fighting involved. The floor number she wanted finally lit up and the door slid open. She hurried out wanting to get to her room, needing the solitude it brought with it.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked following her down the hall.

“Just peachy.” the forced perkiness almost made her gag. She turned looking at him for the first time since stepping into the elevator, she could tell by his expression he wasn’t buying what she was selling.

“If you don’t want to talk about it Kris then that’s fine but stop trying to bullshit Me.” the good humor and charm she’d grown used to when he spoke was noticeably absent, only a trace of annoyance remained.

“I don’t want to talk about It.,” she answered softly, feeling even worse when he looked at her with worried eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Kris just don’t lie to me again.” he pushed his fingers through his hair, she could tell he wanted to know what was wrong but he wasn’t going to push for answers she wasn’t ready to give.

“If you change your mind and want to talk, you know where to find me.” He turned leaving her in the silence she craved, except the relief she’d been expecting was nowhere to be found.


Tainted Feelings
Part 3


“You need to stay away from her, if a magazine publishes a picture of you two hanging out outside of work this whole thing will blow up in both your faces.” Rob sat there stunned, Janet the publicist for Summit had just told him Kristen and Michael had broken up. Michael apparently left yesterday afternoon, which would explain Kristen’s odd behavior at lunch,

“What do you mean I have to stay away from her?” ha asked, feeling a sense of bewilderment at Janet’s statement. Kristen should of told him, why hadn’t she? He pondered that question over in his mind as he listened to Janet.

“You and Ms. Stewart need to stay far away from each other, no more sightseeing or lunches especially when you get to L.A. you’ll have paparazzi following you two everywhere. We don’t need any type of scandal attached to the movies.” He was an intelligent person but he just wasn’t getting it.

“Why would Kristen and I having lunch together cause a scandal?” Janet looked at him as if he was daft in the head and heard her let out a sigh of frustration, hell he was the one who should be feeling frustrated. He was the one being told who he could hang around with, screw frustrated he was getting pissed just thinking about it.

“The breakups being kept quiet right now, it’s the best possible way to handle it for all party’s involved. We feel it’s better to be safe then sorry and in limiting the contact between the two of you, it will stop further speculation. We don’t want anyone to dig around in her personal life and since Ms. Stewart was never one to talk about her relationship the media won’t find it odd when she doesn’t bring him up.” She tossed a magazine on the table, it was one of the tabloids from the U.S., and the cover story was about the on set romance between Kristen and him.

“This is the stuff were trying to prevent and I’m sure she doesn’t want to answer any questions regarding the breakup and what part you played in it. The media will label her a ‘tramp’ and you a ‘womanizer’ and that’s something we’d like to avoid.”

“I didn’t have anything to do with them breaking up; Kris and I are just friends. I’m finding out this thing right now.” Rob watched as she shrugged off his denial.

“Whether you have something to do with it or not, everyone’s going to assume you did.”

“Like your assuming I did.” He stated. She didn’t deny his claim just went on explaining how things needed to proceed.

“Mr. Pattinson my opinion doesn’t matter; the only thing that matters is that the two of you behave accordingly so we don’t have to deal with any bad press. I heard that you would only reside in L.A. for another week or so before you go back to London. Is that correct?” Could she be anymore of a bitch he thought before replying in a clipped tone.

“Yes.”

“So you’ll have no problem keeping your distance from Ms. Stewart then, like you said your just friends so it shouldn’t be difficult.” This woman was getting on his nerves with her little comments.

“And if I refuse to let some gossip dictate how I live then what?” he wasn’t going to stop hanging around Kristen she was one of his good friends.

“Mr. Pattinson I assure you that decision is up to you but keep in mind it will make Ms. Stewarts and your life extremely difficult. Also the contract you signed states that any behavior that reflects poorly on Summit Entertainment shall be grounds for a lawsuit.” He sat there rigidly in his chair, feeling like a caged animal.

“Get out” his voice was low, filled with restrained fury.

He watched her rise from the chair, grabbing her briefcase that sat untouched by the door. She turned and had the nerve to smile as if everything was fucking fantastic.

“Enjoy the remainder of you trip Mr. Pattinson.” He watched her shut the door behind her, maybe the heel on her shoe would snap and she’d break a fucking ankle.

The tension that had dissipated after the final interview he had earlier returned ten fold. He wasn’t sure how to proceed could he ignore the warning and go about things as usual or should he heed the advice and keep his distance. He had to consider Kristen in all this she was the one going through a break up and he knew she’d hate all the media attention that would be all over her.

He grabbed a cigarette wishing he had a beer to go along with it. He needed something to help him focus, not that alcohol would help but it would probably make him feel a hell of a lot better right now. He took a slow drag letting the smoke fill his lungs, waiting until it burned to exhale. How was he going to stay away from her, if it came to that? They’re friendship was something he held close to his heart, how could he just disregard that because a couple a stuff shirts thought it would be bad publicity.

The music coming from his phone snapped him out of his melancholy thoughts, snatching it up off the table. He smiled at the sight of Kristen’s name, but the smile disappeared this was decision time was he going to keep his distance or say the hell with everyone else. He held the phone tighter knowing he could possibly hurt them both for what he was about to do.


Tainted Feelings
Part 4


“Kristen you need to sit down and relax, if you don’t get your emotions under control you’re going to go off on the wrong person. I need you to be the rational girl I know you are.” Kristen didn’t spare Cathy a glance, she just kept pacing. Cathy her agent had just informed her Michaels PR firm had contacted her and Summit’s relations department. They’d all agreed it would be best if the break up was kept quiet but Summit felt extra precautions were needed.

“Do they think I’m some green wannabe actress they picked up on Melrose? I’ve been around this business for years I know the ins and outs; they just can’t order me to stay away from Rob.”

“It wasn’t an order, it was a request. They think it would be better at this time if you two weren’t seen getting cozy.” Kristen stopped pacing to glare at Cathy.

“Rob and I have never gotten cozy with one another, why does everyone just assume that we have or that we’re about to.” Cathy held up her hands, before motioning to the seat across from her. Kristen hesitated before sinking in to the chair. “There’s nothing going on between us.” she said quietly.

“Kris, we’ve been together since the start and you know I love you like a little sister but I’m also your agent. I’m looking at this as both points and as a friend, I’m telling you the relationship you and Rob share runs deeper then just friendship even if neither of you want to admit it. As your Agent, If Summit finds any behavior that threatens to derail the movies they’ll have you in court for breach of contract, your already on thin ice for the porch incident we don’t need anymore problems.” Kristen brought her knees up resting her chin atop them; it seemed that as everyday passed she had less and less control over her life.

“He’s going to be upset when he hears this, how am I suppose to tell him?” she pondered unconsciously cracking her knuckles.

“You’re not telling him Kristen, someone from Summit is going over it with him as we speak.” She could picture the outraged expression on his face when that person told him. She needed to talk to him, see how he felt about all this.

“Cathy can you just go over the contract, see if there’s any type of loophole. I’ll need something to back me up, if anything goes wrong.” Cathy nodded; walking over to Kristen, she placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m on it, just be careful Summit is banking everything on those movies, they’ll do just about anything to make sure they go off with out a hitch.” Kristen waited until the door shut before grabbing her phone, dialed the all too familiar number listening to it ring.

Kristen felt her stomach drop with dread, holding the phone in her hand a little tighter then necessary she listened to the short message, with a sense of disbelief.

“Hey it’s me, if you don’t know who me is, then you obviously dialed the wrong number.” Any other time she’d smile at his attempt to be funny but she couldn’t see the humor in anything at the moment. She hung up the phone, why leave a message that would just go unanswered.

She felt betrayed and disappointed. She could hear Mike’s voice in her head repeating the words ‘I told you so’. Was she stupid and naive to expect Rob to stand up against the big wigs for their friendship, the blinders slowly came off and the disenchantment began to sink in. How could he do this, was it that easy to walk away? She felt her knees tremble slightly, pain radiated inside her at the thought of something she cherished, carelessly discarded.

When she’d been told about Summit’s request she’d been outraged, did they really think they could control them? Apparently, it was a lot easier then she thought. Walking over to the mini bar she grabbed the over priced bottles; if she couldn’t fight the pain at least she could numb it until it was bearable.

“Fuck you.” she said before downing one of the little bottles. She wasn’t exactly sure whom she meant it for but at this point, it could be everyone, she just didn’t give a shit anymore. She didn’t need any of them; she was a strong independent woman. She downed another bottle; still trying to convince herself she didn’t need him as the tears slowly fell from her eyes.

Awhile later she sat on the bed her back leaning against the headboard, looking at the dozen of little bottles surrounding her. She was in a numb hazy state, the pain was still there but like she’d hoped a lot more bearable. She hummed to herself wishing she had some type of radio, she would’ve put the TV on but she wasn’t sure if she could make it to the remote on the coffee table.

She closed her eyes trying to will away the sudden pounding that started in her head.

“What the fuck Kris?” She opened her eye to see Rob standing in front of her looking aggravated. She picked up one of the bottles, looking at the other empty ones on the bed.

“Hmm must’ve passed out, didn’t think I drunk that much. Figures I couldn‘t think up a better dream. Hmm maybe I could… it‘d make me feel a little better” She looked at the bottle she held before throwing it at Rob, who looked stunned before jumping out of the way. She glared at him, what a fucked up dream she couldn’t even hit him with a bottle.

“Stay still.” she demanded throwing another bottle.

“Kristen what the fuck? What the hell is your problem?” He grabbed her hand before it could reach for another bottle.

“You’re my problem, it’s my dream the least you could do is let me hit you with a few bottles. You’re such a jerk!” she yelled hitting him in the chest with her free hand. “What’s next is Mike going to walk in the door, I can just hear him now. ‘I told you so…I told you so’.” She said mocking Mike. She felt her hands released.

“I can see by the amount of empty bottles that you are totally shit faced but I don’t have a clue as to what you’re going on about.” she rolled her eyes.

“You know for a dream you really suck, I was expecting something better.” She saw the familiar twinkle in his eye. “Say ‘I vant to suck your blood’, I’ve always wanted to here you say that for some strange reason.”

“I think you need to lay off the tequila.”

“Say it.”

“No”

“I own your ass right now, and I said say it.” she poked a finger into his chest, before clutching on to his shirt.

“Nope.”

“You’re so annoying!” His chuckle only made her more annoyed.

“So you’ve said before.” She pushed back to lay on the bed, still holding his shirt which pulled him off balance so he fell on top of her.

“This isn’t good, Kris.” she brought her arms around his neck holding him to her.

“See that’s something you’d say, I really need a better imagination.” She pushed her face closer to his, until she felt his nose brush hers. She smiled when she heard his sharp intake of air. She skimmed her lips against his before the drowsiness hit her. The weight of sleep engulfed her, but his lips stayed light as the pushed against hers. She smiled against his lips, letting her body go lax.

“Shit Kris, bad idea…that was a really bad idea.” She wanted to answer him but her eyes wouldn’t open and no sound would pass her lips. Instead, she felt herself dragged into a deep sleep.


Tainted Feelings
Part 5




The pain was blinding, it felt like sticks of dynamite were going off in her head. She tried not to move in hopes the pain would subside but the nausea she was experiencing was getting worse by the second. With regret she slowly lifted her head from the pillow; the only thing she wanted was a glass of water and a dozen aspirin. The bed shifted catching her by surprise, and she felt warm skin brush against her side. She felt paralyzed, as the body leaned into her.

“Fuck…What the hell happened?” She whispered afraid to look, she could recall bits and pieces but her mind was still to foggy from sleep that she couldn’t get past the blurred images.

“I’ll have you know I was on my best behavior, you on the other hand were a very naughty girl? You have wandering hands, I’m feeling slightly violated. ” The husky sound of his voice made her jump; the movement caused her to moan in pain. “You ok?” he asked, his head still resting contently on the pillow. She felt a pinch of resentment that he was so comfortable, while she had to listen to the Jack Daniel’s marching band in her head.

“I’m dying, so no I‘m not ok”

“Well aren’t you bitchy and melodramatic this morning.” her only response was to give him the finger. “Like I said you’re just a ray of sunshine.”

“Would you shut up, my heads gonna fucking explode.” She held her head steady with her hand but nothing seemed to help. “Just fucking kill me.”

“I’ll order some breakfast that should help with your pleasant disposition. You like your eggs runny right.” He watched her pale completion turn green before she dashed for the bathroom. “Something I said?” his only answer was the slamming of the door followed by the sound of her retching.

“Smooth Pattinson…real smooth”

He pushed himself off the bed; walking towards her bag he grabbed some clothes trying to ignore the pink scrap of lace that was her underwear. She was crouched over the toilet when he opened the door, setting her clothes on the counter he turned on the faucet wetting a face cloth before handing it to her.

“Thanks.” She said in a raspy voice before wiping her mouth.

“Welcome, I brought you some clothes I’m sure you’d like to take a shower. I’ll…um go grab you some aspirin and toast that should settle your stomach.” Kristen waited until she heard the door shut before she pushed herself up, hoping her wobbly legs would hold her.

She stepped in to the shower basking in the feeling of the hot water cascading over her skin. She scrubbed her skin washing away the smell of stale alcohol that seemed to radiate out from her pores. Feeling satisfied once her pale skin was tinged pink, she sank down to the floor resting her forehead on her knees. The memories of last night becoming more clear with every second that passed, and along with them came the self-deprecation.

She couldn’t believe she’d kissed him; she’d basically forced herself on him how was she going to look him in the eyes when she walked out there. She could feel her body heat with embarrassment, she felt so stupid about the things she’d done and said. She was pretty sure that any good opinion Rob had of her was thrown out after her little tantrum, she couldn’t believe she’d actually thrown a bottle at him.

The water beating against her back started to turn cold making her involuntarily shiver, damn it she’d been hoping for another 15 minutes in her make shift sanctuary. The need to hide from him was overwhelming, she knew now that he hadn’t agreed to stay away from her but after last night it wouldn’t surprise her if he kept his distance now.

He sat on the bed flicking through the channels on the T.V., feeling his body tense up when the door to the bathroom slowly opened. He’d done nothing but think of how he was going to have this conversation but his mind remained blank on how to start. He slid a casual glance her way; she stood silently in the doorway looking as unsure as he felt. He smiled at her hoping to ease some of the tension that stood between them; he patted the spot besides him on the bed.

"Come on Kris, you look like you’re going to an execution or something.” He felt the bed move as she settled herself next to him. “So I figure that old saying honesty is the best policy should be key in the talk that we’re about to have. Do want me to start or do you want to?”

“You can.”

“Chicken”

“Pretty much.”

“Alright, I’m assuming you were told about Summits request. I’m leaving that up to you, whatever you decide is fine with me.” If she wanted him to stay away he would, he didn’t want to be a burden and add any more stress to her life.

“You’d be ok if we didn’t hang out anymore?” the question was whispered.

“You have enough going on and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Not having you around would make it worse.” He absorbed her words feeling warmth rush through him.

“Then I’ll stick around but I think we should stay out of public. I don’t want to give Summit any reason to screw with us.” He was more worried about her then himself.

“I agree, until we figure out how to go around them we can make it look like we’re cooperating.”

“I’ll be going home in a few weeks that should help.” She frowned at him.

“I keep forgetting you live in London, It’s going to be so weird not having you around.” He slung an arm around her shoulders hugging her to his side.

“We’ll talk on the phone.”

“Yeah you’ll love me calling with the time difference; I’ll probably wake you up in the middle of the night.”

“It wouldn’t bother me Kris, maybe you can come out and visit I’ll show you around properly this time.” He liked that idea, at least in London they could hang out without being stalked by paparazzi.

“That sounds like fun.” They sat there quietly her head resting on his arm. That had gone a lot smoother than he anticipated but there were a few issues that needed going over.

“So what happened with Mike? Unless you don’t want to talk about it.” He felt her shrug.

“He broke up with me.”

“You doing ok?” he asked

“I was surprised at the time but now that I had time to think about it I can’t really blame him. I haven’t been the best girlfriend lately.” He’d been expecting tears, something more than the stoic answer.

“I was expecting to do a little consoling, you know being a good friend and all but you don’t seem broken up about it.” She turned her body towards his her head still resting on his arm.

“I’m sad about it; he was an important person in my life.”

“Well I think he’s a wanker if he broke up with you just because you’ve been busy with work.” She gave him a sad smile, her green eyes clouded with emotion.

“It was more than that, it was a bunch of small things added up, and it was just too much I guess.” He leaned his head against her, bringing what little comfort he could to her.

“I got a good one, that annoying lady from Summit thinks we’re having a torrid love affair and that’s the reason for the break up. She didn’t believe me when I told her I hadn’t a clue about the two of you breaking up.” He felt her stiffen the slightest bit before pulling out of his arms.

“That’s not funny Rob.” She said vehemently

“Of course it is who would think we’re having an affair except stupid people who read gossip rags.” He sat up feeling confused by her reaction.

“You’d be surprised by the number of people who think exactly that.” She pushed her fingers through her hair feeling anxious about were the conversation was heading.

“Seriously people close to us think that? Like whom?” she heard his question but hesitated.

“It’s not important.” She finally answered, he frowned at her but it only took a second before understanding passed over his face.

“Michael thought that, is that why he broke up with you? He thought we were sleeping together?” She shook her head.

“No, it was…it’s just…He thought I cared for you as more than a friend.” The nauseous feeling was back but this time it wasn’t from too much alcohol instead it was from the dread she felt gnawing at her.

“Well what did he say when you denied it.” She couldn’t look at him; he made it sound absurd that she’d think of him as more than a friend. “You denied it right.” She gave a tiny shrug.

“He just kept talking and pointing all these little things out and I told him we were just friends but he said I was blind and I was already half in love with you. I just didn’t know what to say after that.” She let the words out in a rush, hoping to get them out before she lost her courage. She snuck a glance at him but he was looking anywhere but in her direction, she felt the rejection hit her full force.

“Kristen…I don’t…It’s just” Listening to him stutter as he tried to let her down easy was painful enough without having him complete the actual sentence, so she cut him off.

“I could have told him you’re like a brother to me, but he probably wouldn’t have believed me. He was going to believe whatever he wanted instead of the truth.” So much for honesty she thought as she lied through her teeth.

“I’m like a brother to you?” he questioned looking awkward

“Yeah sort of”

“My sisters never kissed me the way you did last night.” Why was he making this more difficult for her?

“Yeah sorry about that I think I had too much alcohol.” She shrugged her shoulders, making a show of looking at the clock. “Shit it’s already 11, I still have to pack and stuff. Are you all done packing?”

“Umm…No I still need to pack.”

“Well you better get a move one we need to be at the airport in a few hours.” She smiled brightly.

“Are we ok?” He stood up and gestured between them.

“Of course we are buddy.” She walked over giving him a quick hug. “Thanks for the talk and shoulder but now I have to pack and so do you.” She hustled him through the door quietly shutting it behind him. She stood their pressing her forehead against the cool wood.

There would be no hanging out when they returned to LA or any trip to London. She needed to keep her distance, it was the only way she could protect her already bruised heart from breaking. Spending more time with him would just make her fall in love with him but if she kept away maybe she could get over whatever feelings she might have for him before they have to work together again.


Tainted Feelings
Part 6


Four days; that’s how long she’d been home and in those days she’d ignored his calls, erased his messages without listening and deleted his texts without replying. The last text she received five minutes ago was staring back at her, reading the words she felt hollow.

‘You said we were ok. I don’t know what to do, please talk to me.’

The screen blurred, she closed her eyes pushing the tears back in. Everybody assumed she was a strong person but she wasn’t she was weak; a strong person would be there for their friend no matter what it cost personally. Instead she was taking the cowards way out and running as fast as possible in the opposite direction. She skimmed her fingers over the keys of her phone; maybe cutting off all contact would only make the situation more awkward later, with that thought her fingers quickly typed a response.

‘I’ve been really busy with work. Sorry it took so long to get back to you and we are ok. I just have a lot of stuff going on. We’ll hang out soon though.’

She hit the send button, hoping that bought her a little more time. She grimaced at the clock, shit she was going to be late. She’d told Nikki she’d go to her little dinner party tonight, it would be the first time she and Michael were in the same room since he walked out on her in Paris; talk about awkward.

“It can’t get any worse” she mumbled to herself, walking out the door.



She’d been there for 20 minutes when she finally relaxed; it wasn’t as bad as she thought it’d be. She sipped her beer, listening vaguely to the conversation floating around her. She answered appropriately when questioned but didn’t offer any other opinions.

“Hey Kris, could we talk?” she glanced up at Mike, they’d been polite when they’d greeted each other earlier but there had been no other conversation that followed.

“Um… sure.” She followed him outside, onto the balcony. “So what’s up Mike?” She watched him shuffle his feet, and give a slight shrug.

“I owe you an apology for the way I acted. I know we should have talked about what was bothering me but I felt stupid that it was bothering me. Everyday there was another inch of space between us and I couldn’t control it.” He said it with such remorse she felt bad for him.

“Mike, you have been one of the most important people in my life but you were right in what you did even though it could have been handled differently. I was sad when you left but not heartbroken, I loved you as a friend instead of a boyfriend and I was taking advantage of that. I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way it wasn’t intentional.”

“I still think if he wasn’t in the picture, it would still be you and me.” She wanted to shout in frustration just when she thought everything was going smooth, he just had to say something stupid.

“He’s not in the picture, why is that so hard for you to get?”

“Because the look on his face right now says it all.” She followed his gaze and was greeted by a very hostile looking Rob standing on the other side of the glass door.

“Fuck” she whispered but not soft enough not to be heard. Michael chuckled.

“Already trouble in paradise?” He asked as Rob walked onto the balcony. Great just what she needed another confrontation.

“Mike shut up, you still don’t know what you’re talking about.” She wanted off this balcony but it seemed her only option was to jump and that wasn’t something she wanted to do.

“Rob you’re looking like you’ve had a bad night, did you two have a fight?” She shot Mike a dirty look.

“No I just wanted to know why she’s been avoiding me for the last 4 days.” She met his steady gaze.

“I’ve been busy I told you that.”

“Wow you’re avoiding him, now that’s a change. Did you take my warning seriously then?” She watched Robs gaze turn to Mike and the questioning look on his face spoke volumes.

“What are you talking about?” he asked Mike

“You mean your darling little Kristen didn’t tell you, hmm wonder why that is? Maybe because she was afraid I was right about you all along. Is that it Kris, were you afraid he wouldn’t hang around anymore once you weren’t a challenge to him. Afraid he’d break the heart that I couldn’t reach, with his rejection.” Kristen felt her heart drop as Mike kept on talking, it was only worse that he was right.

“Shut up Mike.” Her voice cracked a little, when she finally pushed the words out but she knew the damage was done. Robs eyes were studying her face now and she had a sinking feeling everything was there for him to see.

“Hitting to close to home Kristen?” it was said with a smug smirk and if she were a guy she’d have decked him.

“I said shut up.”

“Does it hurt to know you’re just a friend to him and not more? I guess you know what I felt like then, karmas a bitch isn’t it Kris.” She looked at him her eyes shining with tears.

“Fuck you Mike.” The hate dripped from her words, she turned around and Rob still stood there like a statue. She couldn’t even mutter a goodbye she just walked past him. She made it out the door not stopping to thank Nikki or say any goodbyes she just needed to get away. She made it to the parking lot before she heard her name being shouted and the sound of his feet hitting the pavement as he ran towards her.

“Kris, wait a minute.”

“Not right now Rob, I just want to leave.”

“We need to talk Kris.”

“About what Rob, there’s nothing to say.” She opened her door shoving herself inside, the pounding on her window made her jump. Why did he have to be so persistent tonight? She rolled the window down.

‘What Rob?”

“Don’t ignore me Kris I’m sick of it, you were suppose to be honest with me and instead you lied.”

“I was doing you a favor, it wasn’t something you wanted to hear so leave it alone.” He looked pissed now. He leaned down his face inches from hers.

“Don’t do me anymore favors Kris.” He pulled back stepping away from her car. “This isn’t over were going to talk whether you like it or not.” He turned and all she could do is watch his retreating form.

Tainted Feelings
Part 7


She pushed her hair back out of her face, glancing quietly at Rob who sat across from her. She’d invited him over to get everything out in the open, things were about to change and there was a chance that their friendship wouldn’t make it through this unscathed.

“So you lied to me the other day, when you said everything was fine between us?” She chewed her lip nervously, faltering a second before answering.

“I wanted everything fine between us.” She gave a small shrug. “But I just thought it would be better for me to keep my distance.”

“And what about me Kristen, did you think about how I would feel? It was like you’d dropped off the face of the earth and I didn’t know if you were ok.” He leaned forward his elbows resting on his knees his gaze unwavering. “Why did you think it would be better for you to stay away from me? Did it have to do with any of Mike’s bullshit, because that’s what it is; bullshit.” She could tell he was growing more frustrated with every word so she cut him off before he could start up again.

“Mike wasn’t wrong about everything.” She said softly. “He was right about a few things like the fact that at some point I started to like you as more than just a friend.”

“You said I was like a brother to you” She winced at the accusing tone in his voice.

“What was I suppose to do you looked so panic stricken at the thought of me liking you, that was all the rejection I needed. I didn’t have to hear a complete sentence to understand how you felt.” She grabbed her cigarettes from the patio table, needing something to do.

“Of course I looked panicked; you just sprung it on me. How was I supposed to react? And you don’t have a clue as to how I feel because you didn’t give me a chance to figure it out.” He abruptly stood up pacing around, his fingers raking angrily through his hair.

“Have you figured it out yet?” He stilled but didn’t turn to answer her question. “See this is what I was talking about.” She stood up, pointing at him in frustration. “You want me to be honest, and I’m trying to be but what do you expect me to do when you don’t respond. “

“Just give me a second Kris.” He dropped his chin to his chest and took a breath.

“Why can’t you just say what’s going through you head right now.” She pleaded wanting everything resolved because not knowing where they stood was starting to drive her crazy.

“Because I’m absolute shit when it comes to stuff like this.” He lifted his head and turned his gaze towards her.

“Just try.”

“I’m going back home tomorrow Kris, and I’ll be there for two months what am I suppose to say.” He ran a hand up and down his face, his expression weary.

She knew he was right regardless of what happened here and now he was leaving tomorrow, and the next time she saw him maybe what was said would hold no significance.

“I need to know if I should be getting over you or if I can look forward to seeing you again.” It took all her strength to make her voice sound even and steady. Vulnerability wasn’t something she enjoyed, she usually guarded herself with more care but she wanted to know what she had to look forward to in the upcoming months.

“How am I supposed to make that type of decision right now?”

“You should know if you care for me as more than a friend or not, it shouldn’t be that difficult.”

He shook his head, and she felt her breath hitch.

“I want you to look forward to seeing me but in two months are you going to feel the same.” Feeling a glimmer of hope, she grasped his shirt and pulled him down to cover his lips with hers, it only took a minute for him respond his hand finding the nape of her neck pulling her closer to him. She pushed up on her toes, her hands resting on his hips for balance.

Her body hummed with pleasure, his tongue brushing against hers. She dug her fingers into his hips pushing her body flush against his. He started to pull back but her lips stayed with his, until he twisted his lips away.

“We need to breath” he said gasping for air.

“I’m good” she said panting pulling him back towards her, she felt his chest vibrate with laughter that turned to a groan when she nibbled on his bottom lip.

“Fuck” he muttered pushing his body towards her, but his weight threw her off balance causing her to stumble back. He reached out to catch her but only ended up hitting the ground besides her.

“Shit” he muttered. He shifted and turned his head wanting to make sure Kristen was alright, alarmed when he saw her shoulders shaking. He quickly righted himself and leaned towards her.

“Kris you okay, are you hurt?” He rested a comforting hand on her shoulder, when he heard her snort and the shaking got harder.

“Are you seriously laughing, fuck Kris I thought you were hurt.” She turned onto her back, her laughter slowly fading.

“Who knew you could knock a girl off her feet with a kiss” she let out another chuckle, which caused him to roll his eyes.

“Yeah I really know how to kill a moment.”

She sat up cupping his cheek, a small smile gracing her lips. “I’ll feel exactly the same in two months. What about you?”

He tilted his head rubbing his cheek against her palm. “You’re going to have to visit me because two months is way too long.”

“You sound pretty sure about this, what happened to all the confusion?”

“You kissed me and everything suddenly became clear” He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Summit, Michael, the media, Janet the bitch, and anybody else who had a problem with his relationship with Kristen could all go fuck themselves because the last thing he was going to do was let anything or anyone get in his way.
THE END